Burnt Buttermilk Biscuits
I’m from the south.
Where sweet tea and cheese grits are staples. And learning to make buttermilk biscuits is a top priority for any aspiring chef.
At the ripe age of 6, I decided that I had wasted enough time.
The parental units had yet to give into my pleas for biscuit-making lessons and I was fed up with waiting. Mama had left early for work that fateful morning and daddy was in the shower. I grabbed a stool, reached high into the cupboard, and grabbed the Jiffy box. I swirled the poorly measured ingredients in an oversized bowl and plopped heaping spoonfuls of dough on a pan that I had forgotten to grease.
Into the oven I slid the doughy breakfast gems and waited impatiently as they baked.
Daddy emerged from the bathroom ready for the day’s work only to be startled by an enormous mess of flour in the kitchen and the faint smell of burned dough in the oven. I do not remember everything that daddy said to me in the Jiffy aftermath. I do recall him asking me why I had not asked for help. My response was, no doubt, incredulous.
I HAD asked for help!
But that help had not arrived. Granted, I had only ever asked for help biscuit-making lessons on busy workday mornings. But that was beside the point! I wanted what I wanted right then.
Stubborn Like a Mule
Thankfully, I’ve matured from the status of impatient 6 year old.
BUT, I still make mistakes when it comes to the art of asking for help. For example, I rarely identify tasks delegate. I feel shameful asking for help.
All of this stems from my innate bent towards self-reliance and autonomy not to mention a slight flair for being headstrong about the ways and means of assistance received.
I know this is not a trait that I alone embody. Can I get an AMEN!?
Southern Girl Guilt
I look at my friends, family, and congregants and more often than not I see whole groups of individuals, families, and organizations that look run down, bedraggled, and strained to the max. Their outward stress lines echo my inner exhaustion.
There are times when there is no other option than to put the peddle to the metal but when we start living in the fast lane as a course of habit it is time to stop and re-evaluate.
Am I asking for help? Is all of this really necessary? What can I delegate?
Often I have had parishioners, especially women, come to me for pastoral care and the root of their concerns emerge from issues of shame, guilt, and lack of fulfillment. I have come to refer to this phenomenon as “Southern Girl Guilt”. This is not to say that men as well as persons from above the Mason-Dixon line don’t struggle with these issues but I do see them as especially prevalent and embodied amongst women in the south, myself included.
So what are we to do?!?
In the New Testament there is a reoccurring theme centered on giving, asking, and seeking. This scripture form the gospel of Matthew epitomizes this motif:
7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
Matt: 7:7-12
The Art of Asking
Learning to let go of shame and guilt is a learned for skill for many of us. If you are feeling overwhelmed in your life right now, and then I would suggest you consider asking for help.
Where exactly do you feel overwhelmed or neglected in your life right now? I believe that there is a God who wants to help open a door to help you seek a more fulfilling and healthy way of living life. The Spirit of God is inviting you to start knocking….
Application:
L1: spend time thinking about a problem that you’re facing. In a space of quiet and solitude focus on this question and ask how you where you might be able to find help in addressing the problem. Who could you ask to help you deal with this difficult situation? What alternate ways could you seek help than what you have already pursued? Write down what answers emerge. Repeat this process daily or weekly until an answer emerges.
L2: At your personal prayer altar [ click here for instructions on how to create your own sacred space] spend daily time in prayer asking God for guidance with a challenge you are facing. Who could you ask to help you deal with this difficult situation? Write down what answers emerge. Repeat this process daily or weekly until an answer emerges.
L3: lead a group or team through a collective process of prayer and reflection on a challenge you are facing. Repeat this process daily or weekly until an answer emerges.
May the Road Rise Up to Meet Y’all,
Rev. Wren
RevWren 